Torture Report: Random stories of training and NOT

9 weeks and counting …

(G) The true but ugly side of ultra running…

The usual dynamic duo of miles and misery were on my training menu this week. I wish I had something deliciously fantastic to share about it but it was a rather lackluster week. Trained hard, slept hard and often wanted to eat anything that wasn’t nailed down. So instead of sharing my training details you’re getting some of the randomness that comes with the world of ultra … or at least my world.
These are all true stories that I should have good enough sense not to share. But Lowi and I have never bothered to consider our pride or dignity in this blog so why start now?

Dangerous pedicure?
Two weeks ago as I usually do before a long run I give my feet a look over to be sure they’re in good working order. I decided that my toenails needed an assist and while trimming them I managed to have a part of my toenail fly up and hit me squarely in the eye.
I was sure I was going to develop some sort of eye issue or foot fungus in my eye. Who knew that basic toenail care could be so dangerous? I am a quick learner on occasion, though. The next day while doing some “home surgery” as I like to call it on my feet, I wore sunglasses. Eye protection and coolness all in one.

Laundry time!
This, in my opinion, is the worst of all three. I got up on a Sunday morning slightly hobbled from my long run the day before. But instead of letting the day get too old I was going to crank out the 10 miles I had before me. As I began looking in my drawers for clean shorts it dawned, slowly, that all my shorts were now in the laundry except the ones I wore the day before. Those were, conveniently, still resting on the bathroom floor. They worked hard the day before so they’re allowed a rest.
So, much like during a race you’re faced with tough choices like eat off the ground or starve. In this instance, it was wait a couple hours to wash and dry your needed clothes OR just throw on your dirty, gross running shorts because in 2 miles the status of either clean or dirty clothes will be the same: sweaty.
Yep, I did indeed throw on the same shorts I wore the day before and ran. I should be more embarrassed by this than I am. It’s just how it goes sometimes.

Johnny Armani earns a new moniker

My husband John has long been a keeper of nicknames. He has earned many over the years. Some of them simple and obvious: JB, Johnny B and Mr. John Barton (not technically a nickname but a formal term of endearment). Then things started to get crazy. When Jennifer Lopez became J. Lo, John quickly followed suit with J. Bar.

You see where this is going, right?!


Last year after a brief encounter with some Armani sunglasses, it didn’t take long until he was thereafter known as Johnny Armani. In fact, he has the embroidered hat to prove it.


Apparently the name grew tiresome for him because a couple weeks ago he comes home telling me that he was running some new names by a young lady he works with:

Johnny 2 Dope OR Swaggy J

After what I can only assume was much laughter they settled on Swaggy J inspired by the Lakers player Swaggy P.

So while John may still answer to Johnny Armani he, much like Pocahontas, has a new name: Swaggy J.

(L) This has been a tough month and this week was no exception.  When I signed up to do the ultra again I really thought I could get the proper training in to do it.  I am beginning to realize that with 9 weeks left to train for the Outrun, I am way behind.  Okay, I have known that I have been behind, but it is becoming glaringly obvious as I literally did not run one time this week!  I am actually embarrassed to even type this statement in the torture report, but it’s the truth. As G stated earlier we have never been much on hiding our pride or dignity so why start now.

I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I have to decide if I am in or I am out. There is a waitlist so I know there are plenty of people who would like to take my spot. The question is am I ready to give up my spot or am I ready to get serious and TRAIN?  This week I have to decide. The question I keep asking myself is what is truly the sacred path?  That is my theme after all.  It’s funny, I could make an argument both directions. We have been running at a high speed since the end of December and only now does it seem we can take a breath.  Perhaps the sacred thing to do is let my mind and body rest.  Perhaps running low miles and being kind to myself is the answer. OR, perhaps actually taking the time to train and put my body through the paces would be the most sacred path.

This week I intend to run, walk, meditate, do yoga and pray about my choice.  I will let you know next Tuesday which path I have decided to choose.


Sunshine & Sarcasm,

Lowi & G

The Torture Report began in January 2014 as a weekly update of our journey to completing a 50-mile race. Since then it’s continued on to become a chronicle of how we try mightily to find fitness, health and sometimes the finish line. We aren’t always successful but we keep showing up and telling you all about it on Tuesdays.

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