Lowi has been struggling with her decision about the Outrun 24 for weeks. If I had to guess, she struggled when she went to register but she felt a mix of emotions. It’s one part remembering last year and how great it was to do the race. How much “fun” (relatively speaking) we had. And that’s real and a genuine motivator for anyone.
And then, (I’m only guessing because while we do often share a brain – this week is her week to have it) she felt tied to, obligated to saying yes because she didn’t want to let anyone down, including herself. She is saying yes to me, to the blog, and probably to a million other thoughts in her head.
And life moves so fast sometimes you can’t really think or feel anything through long enough to know what to do or how to feel.
But maybe we do. We lie to ourselves because the truth can be tough. It’s tough because we judge it to be right or wrong when it just IS.
When we have a big choice it would feel better – 90% of the time — if you flipped a coin. Midway through the air you know which side you want it to land on.
It doesn’t mean the conflicting incongruences aren’t still there. But what it does mean is that we KNOW. We’ve known all along but we tried to make it not true, or not matter, or matter less.
I don’t know what Lowi will choose and honestly I have conflicting feelings about it too.
The selfish side says I want her to decide to do the race so I get to see her, we can run together, have fun together, and celebrate my birthday.
But the other part of me says, stay home, let it go, there are many other races. Your life has been crazy busy and it’s time to get some rest. This part of me wants to encourage her to enjoy the next couple of months while Sydney finishes up high school and enjoy Reese’s birthday and not feel like you’re just trying to cram it all in.
If I flipped a coin… Yes, I did it. I have my answer but it doesn’t matter because it’s not my question.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,