Blogger’s note: This is a rebuttal, or follow up, to Lowi’s shameless post on Friday 🙂
Friends, let’s call it what it is: stealing. Lowi has now twice stolen my clothes.
The first time, I will cop to having left my clothes on the floor of her bathroom. I don’t know about you, I have found or seen lots of things on the bathroom floor that I wouldn’t pick up and claim as my own.
My beloved pants were, however, a classic. In fact, if we are going to get the whole story straight. I believe she also co-opted a long sleeve race T-shirt. I mean, what kind of person wears a shirt for a race they didn’t even run?!
Yeah, I hear that she just lounges around the house in those ill-gotten gains but still. When she gets up from her Netflix binge of “Orange is the New Black” and stumbles into the bathroom and looks in the mirror does it occur to her that she’s wearing stolen clothing? Does she care that she’s telling the world she ran the Jingle Bell 5K in 2004, when she did not? Is there something about OITNB that seems homey and inviting to her?
This may speak to a larger disfunction.
But now that she’s not only taken more of my clothes but has lassoed our mother into her crimes it reveals a disturbing pattern. Did you see how she backhandedly told you that my own shorts look better on her? And then added, that somehow my longer legs were disproportionate for said shorts? She painted this whole picture that, in her own way, she was doing me a favor by removing the offensively short shorts from my wardrobe. And worse yet, she’s been planning this short-lifting since last summer!!!
Now I did willingly leave some clothes behind so that my suitcase did not spontaneously begin to grow mold on the epically long trip back home to Ohio. You’re welcome, TSA. But I didn’t imagine that leaving my clothes in the care of our mom (aka accomplice) would have been problematic. However, since it’s come to my attention that they fancy themselves the black-market version of Stitch Fix, I am going to need to install some sort of LoJack on my clothing.
Be sure to inspect your Christmas gifts from Lowi this year. If they don’t have a tag and seem slightly broken-in, call me. She may have been visiting and some of my clothes accidentally jumped into her bag. This is how she does it. She flashes her pearly whites, she tells you she’ll take care of your clothing, or your food, and before you know it’s all gone.
Consider this your PSA for traveling to Hawaii with Lowi. Mahalo!
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G