I woke up several mornings last week out of sorts. I have been feeling off for a few weeks and add to that my most recent bout of sleeplessness and life started to hit a rather rough patch. With the insomnia, challenging work, too much work, too much stress, and not enough of me to go around I’ve been overwhelmed at times. It feels like not being able to catch your breath even though you are breathing just fine.
It’s a subtle sense that I am not fine. I am not a wreck either. I find myself in that middle place of being too put together to seem like there’s a problem and a pinch too addled to be OK. We all get here and I have been here before. I am sure I carved my initials on a tree nearby.
That, of course, means this will pass but in the meantime it’s nice to know that I have not stumbled onto unfamiliar terrain.
There really are only two questions:
How did I end up here this time? What do I need right now to get out?
I got into this slightly burnt out place because I have said yes too often. You too? See, I knew you were familiar with this place.
I got here by taking on more than I should.
I got here by absorbing others’ emotions as if they were my own.
I got here the same way everyone does. I forgot who I am and where I was going.
What do I need to direct myself back to my intended target?
I need to reconnect with myself. I need to return to a self-care practice of sleeping well, eating well, and rejuvenating well.
It’s like last week when I got myself all worked up about some foot pain I have been experiencing. I started imagining the worst and how it was going to be the downfall of all my plans. I started feeling panicky and every day’s potential was resting on how good or bad my foot felt upon placing it on the floor each morning.
I mean, honestly G, get it together.
And that’s what led me to this revelation. I needed to remember who I am. I am resourceful and I am not a quitter. If something isn’t going quite right, I like to get in there and see if I can fix it. I am not afraid of working hard to get there and I am disciplined.
What would possibly make me think I can’t overcome this little bump in the road, wherever it leads?
That’s right. I forgot who I am.
As you’re reading this, you may also be thinking that you’ve had your own mild case of amnesia. Have you been behaving out of character? Have you been letting life push you around?
Enough of that. Like I said to my husband the other night. What was I thinking? I am not going to let this beat me. I have far too much to do.
It’s nice when you can have these little epiphanies while sitting on the floor rolling a lacrosse ball on your foot. You know, that way you don’t start getting an inflated ego. Life keeps you grounded — as long as you know who you are.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G