Years ago someone I knew had a vanity plate that said “BJUSTB.”
These meaning-packed words are starting to help me learn as I trudge through my 40s that “being G” is OK.
Last week, I had myself in a bit of a tailspin about some events in my life. And now that they are coming to a close I realize what it was all really about: I was afraid to be me. I thought I needed to be somebody else, or at the very least, a Martha Stewart-y version of me.
I felt pressure to show up as an amazing, thoughtful hostess who had nothing else to do but fashion soap into the shape of sea shells during the day.
Reality check: I didn’t do this but you get the idea…
I felt that expectations were for me to show up as an amazing, thoughtful wife who doesn’t need any help getting it all together because I am organized, on top of it, and sleep is merely a suggestion.
Reality check: I need help, it’s appropriate for me to have help, I have a demanding job and I am exhausted.
I felt that I needed to be someone other than who I am.
Reality check: While not everyone may appreciate what I would characterize as quick wit, sharp sarcasm and a general lack of 1950s house-wifery skills, this is WHO I AM. I don’t dust my home on a regular basis. I do often go to bed with dishes in the sink and they are STILL there when I leave at 6:30 am the next morning. I don’t often make my bed, sometimes because there is still a husband and at least one feline in it. But other times because I just don’t care. I’d rather spend that time eating breakfast, meditating or … anything else!
I have priorities, but house cleaning to the point that it looks like we don’t live here isn’t one of them. House cleaning to the point that you could drop by and not find stuff laying around is also not a priority. Feel free to stop by but you may need to move a stack of books off the sofa so you can sit down. Hey… at least I am literate, right?
That statement brought me around. I have priorities, as well as values, skills, dreams and hopes about me, my life, you, your life and none of them require a well-made bed or an empty, clean sink. Do I appreciate these things? Yes, yes I do, especially when they are done by others.
But I am learning, SLOWLY, that I need to be who I am. When you come to visit I will always clean better and more than I would if nobody was showing up but I may also have not mopped the kitchen floor. There may be 15 things I just shoved in the closet before the door bell rang so be careful opening any doors.
If I am just being me, I will greet you with a smile and generally a pretty quick trigger to laugh. I will be real, authentic and possibly slightly off center. I will feed you something good whether I made it myself or not. I will offer you a drink, I won’t make you use a coaster and you can keep your shoes on if you like because your socks may have holes in them. 🙂
If you ask, I will gladly teach you some yoga, offer a Reiki session, or guide you in relaxation or meditation cause that’s me BEING ME.
I am learning that’s a pretty good list to offer and if you want something different you can go to my neighbor’s house. It’s super tidy, her towels match, and she always has a cheese tray at the ready.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G