Okay, I wouldn’t say that I am exactly where I was two years ago, but there have been sightings of braids on occasion. For those of you unsure of my reference, let’s just say that running brings out my inner Disney character when I finally get my groove back.
The end of June will mark two years since I have run a race or any substantial amount of miles for that matter. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run again. I had almost written it off completely when my doctor asked me last fall if I was back to doing everything I had done before my cancer. I had been lamenting the fact that I didn’t feel myself, I was tired and that I hated the medication that I had to take. I was whining about where I was in this whole process when she posed the question about what I “wasn’t” doing. I told her I wasn’t running and I cried. I was so annoyed with myself because I had told myself I didn’t even want to run anymore so why was I getting emotional?
I have sat in the discomfort of that conversation for months. I told myself that walking was better for me and that I had no desire to run. It wasn’t until I watched a movie called, “Brittany Runs a Marathon” during quarantine that I felt it. That tiny little spark deep inside that made me want to run again. Each time she laced up her shoes, I felt my heart beat a little faster. The next day I started doing intervals of running and walking on the treadmill. It wasn’t fun and there was no spark, but I have kept at it 3 times each week.
A month later, I can run a little longer, a little faster and the spark is returning. I am starting to look forward to my runs once again, and while I am open to the possibility of wanting more, I am content with where I am. This feels like me. This feels normal. This feels like I have reclaimed my body and that feels like victory, healing, recovery and hope all wrapped into a very slow 3 miles.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G