Long time, no see, exercise enthusiasts.  G and I have decided that maybe it’s time to bring back some humor in what we used to refer to as the Torture Report.  Once upon a time, this is where we shared the drudgery, the emotional wrangling and the actual workouts we completed over the previous week.  In fairness, we began the torture report because we were both training to run 50 miles for G’s 40th birthday and it was somewhat interesting and it kept us accountable to each other and you.  For those of you late to the party, we, along with two of our friends, did complete the goal of running 50 miles each back in 2014.  Geez that seems like a long time ago.

G has continued to check off remarkable running accomplishments while I…have not.  Dare I say, I may be just a tad more like the average 50 year old woman who has a very long list of other things she could see herself doing rather than training for an ultra.  What you may ask could be more worth of my time?  Oh, things like taking out the trash, thinking about why it’s too hard, or why I don’t want to, walking the dogs or possibly just sitting on the sofa staring out at the yard.  You know, things like that.  Let’s be honest, anything could preempt exercise at my house.  Did I hear an Amen?  No? Okay, I must be hearing things again.

Anyway, we thought that if we brought back the torture report we could give two perspectives, from two different ends of the spectrum and it might be a win for everyone. I decided that I would go first.

I am uncomfortable, which I told you about at the beginning of this month.  I am basically starting over.  I am motivated and I have a plan.  No, I don’t have any lofty goals, but I am sweating again and getting my heart rate up and it hurts so good, so they say.  I sat down and looked at the things I enjoy doing, what I need to do and what gives me the most bang for my effort.  The following is the plan I created for each week.

*Walk my dogs for at least 75 minutes 5 days/week.

*I will do 4 weight lifting workouts. I have an online trainer that send me 4 new weight workouts each week.  These are 30 minute workouts that often don’t look like much, but always leave me sore for days.

*I will ride the Peloton 3 times per week.  I love this workout and I always sweat a lot.  It feels like I have really accomplished something when I am done.

*Run 3-4 times/week.  When I say I am running I mean a mixture of running and walking right now because I know that if I try to go too far or do too much, I will get hurt or quit.  I know how to build myself up the right way for me.  I have been doing this for a few weeks now and I am getting stronger and I can go further each time.  This feels like a win right now.

So, that is my workout plan.  What actually happened?

*I walked 6 times.

*I ran 4 times.

*I did the peloton One time.

*I DID NOT lift a single weight.

Guys, this was WEEK ONE of my plan.  If I can’t complete Week One what hope do I have?  I mean the mental gymnastics that happens is unbelievable, people.  I need help.  So, all the voices in my head and I got together and we decided that YOU could be my accountability partner.  No, you don’t get a vote.  You can just delete it from your Inbox if you choose to do so.  Also, this is a judgement free zone, so I don’t want to hear about how I am a slacker compared to G.  First, I already know that and second, don’t throw stones, slacker!

Okay, so who is with me?  Anyone else need some accountability?  Step away from the Dorito bag (I don’t know why I use this reference because I don’t really love Doritos) and lace up your shoes.  I promise you that our post quarantine bodies will thank us.