My creative process isn’t as much a process as it wandering around waiting for inspiration to arrive.
It’s like using your brain as a butterfly catcher and hope one finds its way in and then soon with all the flapping of its ethereal, magical and colorful wings it creates something amazing and you just “pretend” you made it all on your own.
My butterfly catching moment last night was laying on a yoga mat on the floor and looking at the ceiling thinking I am just going to lay here until I think of something.
And just like that, looking at a white ceiling and a semi-white ceiling fan in desperate need of cleaning, I thought: Blank Slate. I sat up and it was all just there, almost already fulled formed just like a butterfly would be when it arrives in the net.
What I mean to say is that while I am writing it physically I often have this feeling that I am more just a vessel for the inspiration. If that sounds heady, well it feels like that too.
Anyway, blank slate arrived in my mind and I swished down the hall in my well-worn Uggs toward my computer and thought what would it be like for your life to begin again?
What if you had a blank slate? What if all your regrets, your what-ifs, your questioning and your golden-handcuff accomplishments were gone and all that was left was you — you, your giftings and a wide-open life?
Huh, that’s a big thought for one little butterfly but she came to play so I thought OK, what if?
I imagine that I would feel lighter, physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t have the wisdom of life but I also would be sans its woundings. Every thing I did would be for the first time. Can you imagine getting to do so many things over again. Now I am going to keep it real, I have no desire to live through junior high again. Even a butterfly has her limits. I would trust myself. I would jump, leap and live before thinking. I would love first and ask questions later.
I would say yes more than I said no. But when I said no, I would do so with confidence and clarity.
I would appreciate that while I carry different talents and strengths in my body they are not to be shared or given freely to just anyone. They are to be revered and treated accordingly as are yours. These talents may not be of my creation but they have been entrusted to me for proper stewardship. I would make decisions of how I use my time, talent and giftings based on whether it was the proper way to steward and channel those skills and less on whether they made economical or social sense. I would be relieved of the idea that everything I do well needs to be monetized. Some things are just meant for me and those close to me. Some things are just meant for the joy of it. When we try to cage the butterfly it loses its spark and our talents oftentimes do too.
If I woke up with a blank slate tomorrow I’d think differently of myself. I would look in the mirror and see my fierceness instead of my flaws; my valor instead of my victimhood. I would really see myself in this moment without the lens of the life I have lived. That’s both good and bad. It’s choosing to never stop evolving, always learning, always growing, always expanding but from a place of already being whole. It’s leading into the day with myself instead of my resume. Remembering I am more than the sum of my parts; I am more than diplomas, credentials and job titles.
If I had a blank slate I would keep it simple. Less stuff and more life. I would let worry give way to awe. I would let the possibility for joy be bigger than anything else.
As Osho said, I would move the way love moves me. Period.
After all that, it gives me reason to consider starting with a blank slate now.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G