Last week was one of those weeks where after a few days I was done with it. Nearly every single interaction went wrong and irrevocably sideways. And last week’s little calamities have left me where I am now. I have situations half resolved. I have emails that still nag me for a response and yet I want it all to go away.
I wish I could do a hard reboot of my life because my operating system is jacked up.
I cannot even point to a particular thing that is the crux of this malaise. Instead it’s a million little, tiny pieces of unrest and discord that leave me feeling exhausted emotionally and mentally. I want to be able to say to all these situations, “OK, let’s start over,” or “Can we just walk away from each other and never speak of this again?”
Like anything else, I suppose this has more to do with me, where I am in my brain right now, and how the confluence of recent events have chosen to coagulate in my brain. Because now all the million little pieces feel like one big, heavy slab that is sitting on my head. How do you cleanse yourself of that feeling?
I tell myself to just finish these interactions as quickly and painlessly as possible and then move on but my brain doesn’t usually cooperate. Instead I am stuck in this place of rumination. This place where I mull something over and over again in an effort to make sense of it. But not everything makes sense. Every occurrence doesn’t fit into neat Bento boxes that we can put a lid on and stack up and shove in the basement.
Wow, wouldn’t that be nice? Almost like the Marie Kondo version of therapy except these boxes are containing all the crap that doesn’t bring you joy.
What to do, what to do?
I guess I could meditate.
I could take a nap.
I could retreat from all interactions with humans.
I could move to a deserted island.
See how my brain works? It’s a terrible mess of what-ifs and whats-its and I don’t even know what.
I really hope this isn’t contagious by reading my ramblings or maybe you’ve had this crazy, funky human disease too?
Maybe I should take the Meredith Grey approach and just dance it out. Who knows? Certainly, not me.
Alright, enough procrastination and feeling sorry for myself. I have emails to answer and situations to unwind. But after that I am maybe, possibly going to meditate, which could turn into a nap. Then I may try hermit life for a while, which would be easy on that uninhabited island.
Then again, that’s a lot of work. Chocolate, anyone?
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G