Like all good realizations for me they start with a spark and end with a text message.
G: “ I like this book… Makes me remember that when I follow signs and my intuition it’s all easier.”
Lowi: Why do we resist so much?
G: Good question
Throughout our time with the blog we’ve talked about, written about, ranted about how we resist different things in our lives. We are resisters by nature, we humans. Or we are resisters by life’s training. Not quite sure which.
As much as I am a resister I am also a ritual-izer. I like ritual, which is different than routine in that it has meaning. Every day I brush my teeth, wash my hair, take a shower. For me, those practices are routine. They don’t have meaning to me per se.
However, for nearly two years almost every day I practiced yoga, meditated, journaled, oil pulled, hydrated, drank tea and wrote something for my happiness jar before I started my work day. And I ended my day with rebounding, another short meditation and some other grounding practice. That, on the other hand, was a ritual I created that had meaning.
Then my practice disintegrated. Just when I needed it most I lost it. I let it go.
That’s not entirely true, I kept up with the rebounding, daily vitamins and wrote something in my happiness jar. In fact, for a few weeks grasping onto something that felt good, felt hopeful, was almost an act of rebellion against what it felt life was dealing out. I would scribble that good thing down on a piece of paper and watch the pile grow each day in the jar.
When a ritualized practice of grounding and centering would have been beneficial. I abandoned it.
I resisted sitting for meditation. I resisted sitting with my thoughts. I resisted yoga practice. I stopped oil pulling. I stopped.
For the last few weeks I have been struggling to get my ritualistic butt back in gear. Some things had returned and others had been hit or miss. Then about a week ago I decided enough was enough. I made a list of the things that have served me in the past and I started.
I started with a lack of motivation.
I started with a bit of grumpiness.
I started with a feeling of overwhelm.
I started with resistance. Hello, friend.
Then a few nights later I was reading “Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead” by Tosha Silver and it all came together in an instant.
I was reading one of the short stories in the book about following signs and how it just makes life better. And in an instant, I was reminded what I already knew. The reason this loss of ritual kept coming up for me is because it was my sign that I needed it back. And just like that the resistance melted.
Then just to be sure I got the message, I was urged to continue reading and came upon another story about a time when the author was dealing with some health issues and was down and out physically and emotionally. She is a longtime spiritual practitioner and yet she, too, had stumbled.
“…when my life began spiraling into its nightmarish abyss, I had slammed the door of my heart and spat an angry goodbye.”
OK, thank you! We all walk away from our best medicine. We all walk away from the best parts of ourselves at times.
It doesn’t mean we can’t walk back.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G