Last week, G talked about intentional kindness and it made me think about the fact that when we are in a relationship with someone we have to intentionally choose to love that person. Her hubby was choosing to love her by showing kindness for her well-being.
There is a song by John Mayer (feat. Katy Perry) called, “Who You Love.” The song leaves you believing that when it comes to love you have no choice, but I believe every day we wake up and we choose who and what we are going to love.
“My girl’s ain’t the one that I saw coming
And sometimes I don’t know which way to go
And I tried to run before
But I’m not running anymore
‘Cause I’ve fought against it hard enough to know
that you love, who you love
Who you love
You love, who you love
Who you love
You love, who you love
Who you love
Oh, you can’t make yourself stop dreaming
Who you’re dreaming of
If it’s who you left
Then it’s who you left
My boy ain’t the one that I saw coming
And some have said his heart’s too hot to hold
And it takes a little time
But you should him when he shines
You never want to let that feeling go”
While it’s true that sometimes love comes walking in our door when we weren’t looking for it and he/she looks completely different than we would have expected we still have to choose whether to love this person.
Let’s face it, once the crazy, I can’t stand to be away from you, I can’t keep my hands to myself phase has subsided you begin to see that they have just as many imperfections as you. Okay, maybe they have more, but you know what I mean. You have to make a choice whether to accept this person, flaws and all, or move on.
When you are young and in love you can’t imagine that someday long after the wedding and maybe kids that you will look at that person and think, “I am not sure I even like you.” It’s true and it’s going to happen. But you committed to this person and this relationship and deep…deep down you know you chose to love this person. If you are honest you know he is having to dig much deeper to choose loving you right now.
Sometimes, I worry that the generation of young people who are in relationships today believe that love is like a romantic comedy. Love is not about candy, flowers and big romantic gestures (although always appreciated). Of course, we all want to laugh, have our hand held, and live happily ever after. Choosing to love someone though is holding their head out of the toilet when they are sick, taking the baby when they know you have been up all night, making dinner when you just want to crawl in bed, rubbing their back when you hurt all over, and standing beside one another when you child is sick and hurting. Choosing to love is what will get you through, not flowers.
Life is not always smooth sailing and if you have been married long enough you know that there will be lots of love, joy and laughter, but there will be equal parts illness, despair and just plain tough times.
Real life happens every day and let me tell you when you are faced with difficult times you want to be sure that the person standing next to you is someone you chose to be with, not just someone who walked in at the right time.
Be intentional in who you choose to love. Be intentional in the giving of that love.
Like our mom used to say, “make good choices.”
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G
