Who knew that the happiness of my Sunday would hang so perilously from the florets of broccoli? I sure didn’t when I woke up crossed eyed and blurry tailed (as a coworker of mine used to say) yesterday. Swaggy J mentioned he was going to head to the grocery and I thought well maybe he could get the few things on my list.
Mistake #1 Swags is not a real frequenter of the grocery store. I say “real” in the sense that while he goes to buy Diet Pepsi, frozen pizza, hot dogs and Pop Tarts, he never ventures into any other aisles.
Already, before he even left our house, we were in dangerous territory. I was hesitant but after his copious note-taking on my grocery list he seemed confident. That’s one of us.
Ten minutes later the text message exchange begins:
Swaggy J: Are navy beans near the black beans?
Then, I throw him a curve and say can you get broccoli too.
Mistake #2 This is where things would ultimately go off the rails but I don’t yet know it. Ah, those cruciferous vegetables!!!
Then the vegetable broth starts making things complicated. This was a surprise because I had some vegetable broth on hand and actually showed him the physical specimen.
But I still got this:
Swaggy J: Is that it?
And lastly, almond milk with all its varieties created a minefield of sorts in the non-dairy milk section: sweetened, vanilla, unsweetened, almond and rice milk together. What are these almond milk folks trying to do to the man who’s just trying to get through a grocery list of 10 things? Honestly!
More than once throughout this grocery trip I offered an SOS. I encouraged him to abort his mission because it was becoming more like waterboarding than a trip to the local Giant Eagle.
But finally I hear the garage door go up and my produce warrior has returned. He’s made it through and I half expected him to walk in the door wearing army fatigues and face paint to match his demeanor on sharing what his trip was like.
Then comes the bombshell….
Swaggy J: How much should broccoli cost?
G: Umm, why?
Swaggy J: Well I went through the self checkout and I wasn’t sure what I got so I paid $5 for broccoli.
G: Well it shouldn’t have been that much. Did you enter broccoli crowns or something?
Swaggy J: No (this was an adamant response)
Lots of loud silence later we went for a run. I was thinking that this run might be the tipping point of the day. We’re either going to get over the broccoli or it might be stuck in our proverbial teeth ALL DAY LONG!
Thankfully, 60 plus degrees, the outdoors, and 3 miles was able to turn things around and floss the crazy out of the rest of our day.
And by the way, in case you were wondering, I got kidney beans instead of navy beans and a gallon of almond milk instead of the quart I asked for but …. I am still married.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G