Torture Report: H-O-T, Crazy Plans & Mai Tais!


(G) It was H-O-T on Saturday and it hit us Ohioans like a crashing wave. Lately, if you aren’t from around here, July has been dating April and well, it wasn’t a good fit. It really didn’t bring out the best in either of them. It rained about 27 of the last 34-ish days, the temperatures were well below normal, and it was dreary.

But ding dong, July and April broke up and July has her stilettos on she’s heating it up.

My grand plan (these are always ill-conceived and even more poorly executed) was to head out around noon-ish and really take in the heat for 2 hours. I didn’t have a mileage point in mind just go for 2 hours and see what happens: passing out, quitting, or dunking myself in a drinking fountain were all open options.

There was more walking than running but I kept up a good pace and I managed 2-plus hours (of course that’s because at 2 hours I wasn’t near the car…).


After this I really thought I understood hot but I was so very wrong.

Shakira asked me to go to Hot Yoga at the Wellness Forum after she tried it a couple times. As I mentioned earlier, ill-conceived plans and such…

Holy Hotness!! I mean, seriously, when I walked into the room I so desperately wanted to turn around and walk back out. I thought, there is no way I can do 90 minutes of yoga in this room. I am not sure I can breathe in this space.

I took it easy, really focused on breathing and not thinking ahead, and managed to get through it. I did take a few breaks as needed when it just got far too hot and I felt my heart racing. For my first time I felt like I did well. Shakira and I talked it over and realized that it was so hot we couldn’t even utter any snarky comments. I mean, we thought them just couldn’t actually speak.


Monday, I hit the weights and some speed training, oh the misery of it all. Nothing like doing spider crawls across a room that your husband is simultaneously pulling up the carpet in. It is always one poorly planned, grand plan after the other around here. (Stay tuned for the saga of how we installed a new floor supervised by Big Papa Lou.)

And on the race front we are about 3 weeks away from Howl at the Moon 8-Hour Race. It’s always an absolute fun, chaotic mess of running, beer-keg tapping and heat survival. This past week we also signed up for New Jersey Trail Series One-Day. It’s in early November and the Bartons will be taking this show on the road and attempting to keep the moving up for 24 hours. Hmmm, we shall see.

(L) While G has been hit by the crashing wave of humidity back in Ohio, I have been riding the waves of Hawaii.  I know it’s not fair and I wish they were all here, but holy smokes it’s amazing. I truly cannot say I have been tortured in any way, shape or form this last week. I did go out for a run with my oldest daughter and it was definitely more humid than I am used to.  We also managed to go down 783 stairs to the beach and quickly found an alternate route back home.  While out on our little excursion we realized we were within walking distance (a mile) of Queen’s Bath so the next day we took the whole family. They were all very happy we chose to walk!  This actually turned into quite a dirty excursion as we we tried to stay on our feet while the the trail threatened to throw us to the ground and spit us out a mile below! In the end it was totally worth the effort and going back up was much easier.


The rest of my exercise has come in the form of taking my snorkeling gear on and off (which can get a bit tricky when the waves are rolling in) and swimming against the current. Definitely not breaking a sweat down here in the islands. Truly, the most difficult decision that I have had to make is if I want a regular Mai Tai or a Kauai Mai Tai.  Always choose the latter.



Oh and Swaggy J wants to know why Andy is never in the selfies? That is because he has wandered off like a 12-year-old boy seeking adventure without a word to anyone else.

“Oh there he is way out there on the lava rocks!  No thanks, I think I will stay here.”  🙂

Torture will resume next week as the Mai Tais and eating out are catching up with me.


Lowi & G

The Torture Report began in January 2014 as a weekly update of our journey to completing a 50-mile race. Since then it’s continued on to become a chronicle of how we try mightily to find fitness, health and sometimes the finish line. We aren’t always successful but we keep showing up and telling you all about it on Tuesdays.

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