I will assume you have heard the news:  Alex is having a baby, and Lowi thinks I am old. 

I will admit, this shift in the atmosphere and the sprouting of the family tree has me thinking.

Nearly every movie that you love has some eccentric great aunt in it. You know the one that rolls in with a flash and a flair. 

I’m thinking this could change my entire personal aesthetic. It may be the time to lean into mumus, big chunky jewelry, and tarot cards. Possibly create a signature scent of mothballs and patchouli. You know, take up smoking and drinking martinis at 3 in the afternoon. Then I can have a gravely voice like Janis Joplin and make an entrance like Mrs. Roper.

Haha … are you buying any of this? Neither am I!

ALEX IS HAVING A BABY, which means Lowi is old enough to be a grandma.

How about that, friends? Lowi is going to be someone’s meemaw, mamaw, oma, Glamma, mama, mimi, or mimosa.

By contrast, I plan to saunter into this exciting development with all the Great Aunt mojo I can conjure.

I have my name all picked out and polished up. There will be none of that waiting for the little monster to decide. Theoretically, someone else is also using this name, but I can give her a million reasons that it’s good to share. Not to mention that little kids aren’t great with multi-syllabic names. Let us remember how I ended up being called G.

That’s how I plan to enter into my Gaga era. That’s right friends, from this point on I shall only be referred to as Lady Gaga. I know. It’s genius, isn’t it?

Really just sit with it for a moment. It works on every layer. Kids can say gaga. They love over-the-top music and sounds. They would be crazy-go-nuts for Gaga-esque costumes. 

This era is going to be a real banger. Now I ask you, do old women walk around in meat suits and stilettos? That’s what I thought too.

Lowi can tell you all she wants that she’s concerned about how being a great aunt makes me sound old. Those low blows were a little shallow if you ask me. But I think I am just about to hit my stride. I know it’s hard to believe, but I was born this way.