Okay, friends. We can all agree that the world is indeed a Dumpster fire. There is no arguing or controversy about this. It’s a fact. 

And yet, the sun keeps rising, the world keeps moving, and somewhat surprisingly, even joy exists amid deep pain and suffering. Knowing it, however, and being able to grasp the joy are two very different things. 

At times, tiny pockets of light or joy can seem elusive. A friend recently was discussing how she experiences the cycle of depression. In essence, she said,  “When I’m depressed, I want to sit in it and eat foods that comfort my feelings, and I subsequently feel worse. If I fueled my body with the things that actually were good for me, I would likely feel better, and I subsequently wouldn’t linger in the state of depression so long. “

Isn’t it the same during all difficult times? We, understandably, want to feel better. Still, we do things like watch the news trying to make ourselves knowledgeable about the state of affairs, read social media posts, and discuss the atrocities at length, so as not to be accused of looking away. We do all these things and not only ignore the beams of light but actively push the light away because? It feels uncomfortable alongside the darkness.  It feels wrong to let the light in when it’s so dark.

Friends, the light is our way back home. 

Being grateful that the sun is still rising, for the sound of laughter, for littles in Halloween costumes, and for the holiday season rapidly approaching, is the way back. Grasping for any sign of joy and happiness is not wrong; it’s our life raft. 

As G said last week, we never want to ignore what is happening or be tone-deaf to how our collective community feels, but at the same time, we want to take a both/and approach. There is darkness we don’t deny, and nearly every moment, there is something to behold that is joyful.   

One of the ways we find light is through the gathering of our people. We love nothing more than a table full of our family and friends.

In that light, I began re-reading Priya Parker’s book, The Art of Gathering, to help inspire potential get-togethers over these next couple of months. Her book is a little lofty, as most of us aren’t hosting conferences for large corporations or executives, but the premise is the same.  She believes that anytime you gather three or more people, you should ask yourself why you are meeting.

I admit that when it comes to social events of any kind, I am the first person to volunteer. I love a good party, but according to Parker, hosting goes way beyond gathering your people and providing food and drink.  Parker suggests that anytime you are hosting an event, you should get clear about your purpose.  

Let’s be honest.  You are likely rolling your eyes right now, and admittedly, I was, too.  However, the more I read, the more I realized she was absolutely right.  We all have weddings, parties, or even conferences that we have attended that we just can’t get over. There was something about the gathering that we couldn’t quite put our finger on, but we knew it was special and memorable.  Isn’t that what we all want?  Guess what?  It’s because, whether the hosts realized it or not, they knew their purpose and their decisions reflected how it played out.

Let me give you an example.  We have hosted two weddings over the last few years. In my opinion, and let’s be clear, I am biased, but they turned out beautifully, and we were thrilled with the outcome of both.  However, the biggest compliments we received from guests were about how the weddings made them feel.  While each event was different, they made their guests feel like they received a glimpse inside the bride and groom’s lives. They were witnesses to who each of them was individually and how they felt about one another.  It made people feel good about their decision to participate in the nuptials.  In addition to bringing people together to share in their love stories, both couples had an overriding desire to show their community of friends and family how much they appreciated their traveling to be with them. They showed their appreciation by sharing a sit-down meal, heartfelt stories, laughter, tears, great music, dancing, and little surprises along the way.

Did we know we were creating a specific intention at the time?  No, we just wanted to plan an epic wedding representing each couple well. Did we get lucky?  Maybe, but the attention to thought and detail forced us to ask the right questions inadvertently, and therefore we accomplished the goal of everyone having a great time. Purpose matters.

Parker has an entire list of things she believes are necessary for any good gathering.  The purpose is just the beginning.  What else matters?  Your choice of guests, spoken and unspoken rules (start and end times, no phones allowed, no politics, etc…), a way to usher people into the gathering, a good space, lots of introductions, ice breakers, conversation starters, good food, seating arrangements if appropriate and a clear way to end the party.  It sounds like a lot, but I bet if you think back on your most memorable evenings with friends, these details were present.  Planning matters.

Do you want a table full of your people this year? Is it your turn to host Thanksgiving? How do you want it to look? How do you want your guests to feel? It’s not enough to gather; you have to plan. Over the next few weeks, we will continue talking about gathering and how it might look.  Maybe you can’t physically be with friends and family this year; we’ve got some ideas.  Maybe you are missing someone special this holiday season. Our best advice?  Change it up.  Don’t do what you have always done; think outside the box and make new memories.  

Let us know your thoughts, questions, and success stories.  Do you have something specific you want us to address this holiday season?  Need help figuring out your purpose for gathering?  Leave a comment, and we will see if we can brainstorm ideas with you. Until next time, happy gathering.