Tonight, is the National Football Championship between The Ohio State University and Alabama. While I realize there are more pressing things happening in our country, tonight, we will pause for a few hours and watch a game. A game, that regardless of who wins or loses, will not have any real bearing on our day-to-day lives. Tomorrow, we will wake up and all the other stuff will still be there. So, let’s have a little fun today. Let’s talk about our fans.
The way I see it, there are four kinds of people out there when it comes to OSU sports. There are the people who don’t care at all about sports regardless of what team is playing, fans, super fans and stalkers. The difference between the four is pretty self explanatory, but I will elaborate just to be sure you know which category you are in. I don’t want there to be any confusion tonight when we are watching The Ohio State University crush Alabama in the National Championship football game.
If you won’t be tuning in this evening it could mean you don’t like sports or perhaps you just hate Alabama. It’s also possible that you have things you would prefer doing such as trimming your toenails. If this is the case you probably fall into category one and don’t care about sports.
If you will be tuning in, but did not actually attend The Ohio State University, you are probably a fan. I know there are a lot of hard core fans of OSU out there that would argue that they are indeed super fans, but honestly I have my doubts. I mean, you are either a Buckeye or you aren’t. You can’t just be a Buckeye because you say you are a Buckeye.
The third category is the super fan. These are the the people who have spent serious time earning a degree from The Ohio State University and bleed scarlet and gray. These are the people who have been indoctrinated into believing the superiority of OSU over all else. You will never find an OSU fan betting against their team. They always root against Michigan and hate the colors maize and blue. A true Buckeye will go down with the ship, but they will never abandon their team.
Just so we are clear, I am a super fan and I have earned that moniker.
Now, let’s move on to the final category and the real focus of this blog, the stalker.
The stalker loves sports, but sadly his alma mater isn’t accustomed to winning. He thrives on winning so he stalks his friends with #1 teams. He heckles them on social media, he makes ridiculous bets knowing he will lose every time, just so he feels like he’s one of us.
Like any good super fan, I have a stalker. Fortunately for him, he is a likable guy and it’s not his fault he went to a prestigious military academy with a less than stellar football team. Who can blame him? Everyone wants a piece of the action. He hides behind fake stories like his uncle went to Michigan, he has a long lost relative who once went to Northwestern and he and his wife got Master’s degrees from Nebraska. Okay, that last part is supposedly true, but I have yet to see official transcripts. He uses these fake connections to claim his allegiance to the “other” team.
In the past, we have made many bets over football games. For him, it’s about making me squirm and for me it’s always about beating him. Nobody really cares about the stakes, especially when it’s things like popcorn and Brussels sprouts (although Coopers makes a mean plate of Brussels sprouts). Well, I did truly enjoy winning on October 24th against Nebraska especially when my stalker had to recite the OSU fight song on Instagram. He did a fine job and received many new followers due to his spectacular performance. I do think his sudden fame has gone to his head, though, as he has continued to post mock news stories on his Instagram page regarding OSU football. He has even stood on the streets of Columbus, Ohio pretending to be a journalist reporting on upcoming games. My stalker lives in Colorado, so, as you can see, he will go to any lengths to feel part of the action. I mean, he is a pilot so I guess it isn’t that crazy that he would want to fly to Columbus to feel just a little like a Buckeye.
Today, win or lose, our season will come to a close and even though our little rivalry will continue on, he will still just be a Falcon. I will be happy to share my popcorn, Brussels sprouts, buckeye candies, T-shirts and who knows, maybe there will be some other surprises in store.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G