The time since mid-March has felt like a very long, dirt road with so many potholes that I’ve lost count. I know we have been doing more things and seeing people, eating on the patios, but things don’t feel the same. I’m tired of cooking, doing curbside dining, describing my car to Qdoba and trying to talk through the dang mask. Don’t get me wrong, I wear it everywhere because it’s the right thing to do, but is anyone else just tired? Like, exhausted from all of it?
I’m tired of worrying if my headache is the beginning of something or if that person that coughed in the parking lot has allergies or something more sinister. I’m tired of Clorox and hand sanitizer and the “what-if” scenarios.
I’m tired of examining what I just thought or said or watched on TV. I’m tired of reading a news article and wondering which part of it is actual truth or if it’s all just commentary. I’m tired of people not doing the right thing and looking for a loophole so they don’t feel bad about it.
I’m tired of feeling like I can’t complain about all the things that are irritating me right now because they aren’t nearly as worthy as everything else on the national radar.
I’m tired of the news, politics, hate and lack of human decency. I’m tired of all of it.
I just want to sit too closely to my girlfriend, laughing and planning a tailgate for our kids’ first college football game while drinking something a tad stronger than a Starbucks Venti iced green tea with no sweetener. And while we are on the topic of college, I want to stop getting notices that my daughter’s college classes are all going online and wondering if the dorms will be next to shut down for fall.
If I can’t get out, I’d like to quarantine somewhere else for a while, like a couple of months. Hawaii works for me. I know, there is a 14-day quarantine in your hotel room, you have to have groceries and food delivered and then…wait, you had me at hotel room.
Seriously, doesn’t it all just feel like too much? Don’t you just want to hit the pause button for awhile and do something…A N Y T H I N G ?
Being alive, being on this earth, is being in the “ache.” Being alive is feeling all of it; the good, the bad, the frustration, the joy, the overwhelm of all of it. To be alive is heartache and happiness and it’s okay to say in the midst of everything, that life is not going the way you want right now. Yes, this too will pass, but in the mean time, it’s okay to not be okay.