I read G’s post
over and over again thinking I totally know what she is talking about. So many of us are living in the space between where we are and where we want to be. Everyday fear and doubt creep in and thwart our forward motion. You don’t have fear and doubt? Oh, you are just a procrastinator? Procrastination is just another symptom of our fear and doubt. It’s so much easier to acknowledge our busyness than our fears. I know because I can procrastinate with the best of them.
Last week, I received a letter in the mail from our high school alumni association. This prompted my daughter to inquire how long we have been out of high school.
She made a not-so-quiet gasp and pretended to choke on something. As she left the room I kept thinking about 30 years. It’s normal during times of transition or major milestones to take stock of your life. I sat down at the table and began thinking about the last 30 years; where I’ve been, where I am and where I am going in the future. The where I’ve been part was pretty good. The where I am now part started to cause my heart to beat a little faster and the where I am going part? If I am honest, I got up and walked away. I needed to put this conversation that was happening in my head on the shelf. Procrastination is a symptom of fear, but it can also be the life raft we need to float on for a bit on until we can deal with what is before us.
Our youngest is home for another two years and then she graduates high school. Our lives are changing at a rapid pace. Our daughter just got her driver’s license and I already am not needed nearly as much. While I will always be a mom, my role is definitely changing and I have more time on my hands.
So, a few days later I started letting my mind wander to that space again. I realized that it’s not just a gap between where I am and where I want to be, but it’s more like a giant black hole. You know, that place where things disappear without a trace. It felt dark and depressing and that didn’t feel like a place I wanted to take up residence. I decided to look at it from a different perspective. What if I thought of that black hole as a place with infinite possibilities? All of a sudden my heart started beating faster again, but it was with excitement rather than a fear that was ready to suffocate me at any moment. Infinite possibilities, while a little overwhelming, is a far more inspiring and positive space than a black hole.
I don’t have anymore answers than when I started this little mind game, but that’s what coaching, hiking, running, working out, reading, writing, vacationing and talking to my friends is for; figuring things out. My hubby is going to like this non-procrastinating version of myself way better than where I have been lately.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G