Life Lesson: Stay Out of It

Flyer for Mangoes Key West Sydney St. George, Jake Saghi Jenny Leigh and Adam Wakefield

When you become a parent you think you will do things in a certain way.  Over time you adapt to the fact that life is crazy and you either drive your self insane trying to control things, you learn to roll with it or, if you are like us, you tumble through the insanity while beating yourself in the head at the same time.  The hub and I are oldest, type A, get ‘er done kind of parents. We don’t wait and see, we have a plan and it’s nailed down WAAAAAAY in advance.

Okay, there may have been some things that weren’t planned well back in our 20s like deciding on a state to live in a mere weeks prior to our wedding, buying a condo while looking for an apartment…three kids that kind of just happened while we were thinking about it and so many other things that have long left my memory. Our own parents must have been silently cringing in the corner as we haphazardly skipped through those months leading up to our wedding and definitely those immediately following our nuptials.  Perhaps they are still cringing.

It makes the parent in me kind of want to vomit thinking about it.

Our oldest is the most like us. She is a planner. She gets us and we get her. Our relationship is reasonable and very rarely reaches heights of screaming, crying, or beating our head against the closest solid object we can find. Our middle, however, is and always has been, the one who stretches our thinking, our parenting, if you will, to the brink of insanity. Typically, she lands on her feet and leaves us standing there with our mouths hanging open and exhausted with worrying about the million things that could have gone sideways. Each time I tell myself I WILL NOT WORRY. I WILL LET HER DO HER THING!

And each time I find myself in the exact same spot stressing over the things I cannot control.

These last weeks have been no exception as she and her musician boyfriend have been working tirelessly at their real jobs and their music. They managed to turn a gig of one or two songs at the Key West Songwriters Festival into a 3-day event giving them 10 + hours of playtime. Their preparations behind the scenes have been inspiring and yet we still have managed to find some key things that they were not concerned about in the least (I know it sounds ridiculous to me even as I type these words).

I made the mistake of sharing my concerns with our daughter at an especially bad time.

It didn’t help.
Note to self: There is never a good time to share your concerns with your adult children especially when said concerns have NOTHING to do with you.

In fact, I knew it was a mistake the moment I hung up the phone. I tried to rectify the situation by sending a group text to her and her boyfriend because I knew he was about to pay the price for my misstep. The boyfriend responded in such a way that I immediately knew he was buffering her from the conversation.  I could almost hear him telling her, “it’s fine, I’ll take care of your mom.” Not my finest moment.  So, I took the bullet, explained that I caused the additional stress, apologized, and blamed it on motherly love. He sent me a funny text letting me know it was all good and he was taking care of the “situation.”  Then some time passed and I got another text from the boyfriend.  While still very polite, he let me know that they appreciated my concern, but they had it under control.  OUCH!  He’s a middle child, too!  Just sayin’.

I called my hubby  immediately because I knew he was on the same page and it would be just like us to  bombard them with advice on the same day. Fortunately, he answered and I told them what had happened.  He laughed because for a change I was the one taking the hit.  He agreed that we needed to just sit back and let it unfold without interference.

It’s a week later and they are currently in Key West.  They not only arrived safely, but they even had to manage a last-minute change in their plans. Two performers who not only agreed to sing in one of their shows, but had also agreed to drive the sound equipment down, bailed on the whole thing.  A mere 48 hours prior to leaving they were scrambling to find additional performers and all of the sound equipment they would need.  In the end they rented a car load of equipment in Miami and drove it down Highway 1 in their rented Mustang Convertible.  Not too shabby for 20-somethings that are known to have trouble getting anywhere on time.

What I keep having to tell myself is that our girls will let us know if they need us.  It’s time to just sit back and enjoy the show because they are going to do it their own way no matter how many times we tell them how they should do it. 


Also, we still have a third one at home to keep us on our toes and we still rule her world!

Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G

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