The only time I typically veer off the sarcasm or self-deprecation train is when I am writing about my girls or my close friends. I guess I don’t feel like they will get a big head if I talk about their awesomeness because my friends deserve a shout out for just being my friend and my girls get doses of cold, hard truth to balance out any praise they might read.
My hubby, though, is a different story. If I give him too much public praise he might start to think he is all that and go looking for something better. I just don’t want to give him false hope. You get it, right?
Well, recently the hubby and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. I wasn’t actually planning on writing about it because even though it may seem like no topic is off limits, I do actually have some boundaries.
Doing anything for 25 years will cause you to sit back and reflect on your life. In one of these moments, I started thinking about how one stays married for this long and still genuinely likes the other person. It’s a fair question. Some people haven’t been able to stay married for 72 hours!
If you polled the married masses you would hear that it takes hard work, communication, and commitment and they wouldn’t be wrong. I have met quite a few people who have been married a lot longer than us who have relied on these three to get them where they are. I can’t say for sure if they still like each other, but they are dedicated to staying together.
So, I started thinking about my own marriage. It has definitely taken a lot of hard work, communication, and commitment, but it has also taken flexibility, LOTS OF HUMOR, empathy, differing opinions, different strengths, compassion, patience, understanding and so much more.
Here’s the thing, though, after all these years together my hubby also still cares about how I feel, he supports me and he respects me. He doesn’t just go through the motions. He doesn’t dismiss my thoughts, feelings, opinions, intuition or ideas. He listens (okay, he does struggle with listening sometimes, but once I have beat him over the head he is very attentive). He may not always agree with me, but he respects me in every way. He cares if I am upset even if he doesn’t understand it and while he occasionally still tries to “fix it” he has learned the value of just being present.
At the end of the day, he gets me.
He knows I’m never really going to quit Diet Pepsi, he knows how to make me laugh, he knows I will always choose the mountains and the beach, he understands that I NEED to talk to my girls everyday, he knows I am going to fall asleep during the movie, he knows I like red AND white wine but which one I want depends on my mood, he knows he can always find me in the bath or reading a book late at night, he knows I am always going to choose the chocolate dessert and when I am sick I want mashed potatoes from KFC (don’t judge me I already feel shame about it).
The reality is that while there are common characteristics in any healthy marriage, each one takes its own special sauce.
My hubby has the special sauce and after 25 years he can still make me laugh, cry, and everything in between. Thank you for 25 years and here’s to 25 more!
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G