As many of you know, I have been going through a challenging time this year. It seems like one obstacle after the next and it’s been demoralizing, depressing and disorienting. I have lost confidence in myself and my body. Neither of these feel very good and I wouldn’t recommend trying either on for size.
I have found myself in many scenarios where I took everyone’s advice, tried whatever anyone suggested, and didn’t give anything a second thought. I didn’t consider whether it made sense for me. I didn’t consider if it felt right. I just acted mindlessly and often.
So here I am in a bit of a personal mess. I am not sure how I am going to find my way out at the moment. That, of course, is disconcerting and scary. But what I have realized is that I have to get back to myself and my own personal compass. And I need to get back to getting support and help from those who have a proven track record for me.
I need to return to my people.
And, possibly, I need to stay away from Google as it’s not really all that helpful, especially at 4 am.
Somewhere on this obstacle course of life this year I have gotten lost. I am not entirely sure where I made the first wrong turn, because there have been several. But wrongs turns have almost been my unofficial and unintended motto.
I am now standing still, wishing that my Garmin had a “home” function for poor life choices. I would really love to have a do-over on this year but that’s not how life works.
It seems there is a lesson that the universe is desperate to teach me and she isn’t really interested in setting down her pom poms, cowbell, or other loud signals any time soon. So I am standing still and trying to listen, really listen for the message I couldn’t hear before.
I am standing still. I am quiet. My brain is less so despite my requests to “hush already.” And I am listening.
Listening for guidance, wisdom, an answer. And I am back to my people who know me best.
Back to the beginning. Back to myself. Back to my people.
Sunshine & Sarcasm,
Lowi & G