So, apparently the third time is the charm. This week I had the great opportunity to visit the Department of Motor Vehicles with my youngest daughter to get her permit. I am happy to report that despite their greatest efforts we were in and out of there, with the permit, in roughly 45 minutes. I say “despite their greatest efforts” because even at 7:30 a.m. with nowhere near the capacity of people allowed, movement was slow and almost non-existent.

Upon entering the DMV there was a sign directing you to get in line for a ticket. We took our place in line for more than 10 minutes while the man who was overseeing the line spoke on the phone regarding the inner workings of his laptop. I am sure it was pertinent to some part of his job, but not for handing out tickets. Meanwhile, no less than seven women sat at their computers doing NOTHING because we were all in line waiting for tickets. Finally, a very grumpy young woman came to assist the ever-growing ticket line. As she began scanning my paperwork she told me that one of my documents to prove residency would not be permissible because it had someone else’s name on it.

I said, “it has my name as well as my husband’s name.” She angrily pointed at the name at the top of the page and said, “this is not your name.”

“No, ma’am that is the name of my insurance agent who mailed the document to my husband and me. This is my name here and my address.”

She shoved the papers back at me and told me to go stand in another line. My youngest looked at me wide-eyed and slightly nervous. I smiled and thought to myself, “the DMV must be where dreams go to die.”

Even with our ticket hiccup we were moving through this process at record speed. At this rate we were not going to witness all that the DMV can offer to a young girl in the prime of her impressionable years.

Once at the ticket counter the lovely, older woman notified me that she could not find my daughter’s test results in the computer. I know you are probably thinking this is not unusual, but I was holding the print out of her test results that were emailed to me FROM THE DMV. The printout had a barcode on it as well. After several attempts to find the test results she said, “hmmm, I have never used my scanner before. Maybe if I try scanning the bar code that will work.”

And just like magic, she found the test results. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. We were also quite excited as now we might be able to continue on through the process. We checked all of the boxes, signed the forms and paid our $17 to go sit with the growing mass of people in folding chairs. The only thing left was for her to have her photo taken. There were two women taking photos so even if everyone seated needed a picture it was going to go quickly.

No, wait. I forgot it was a Monday and these lovely ladies needed to catch up on their weekend adventures. We all sat patiently while they discussed their weekend. Then another employee came over to sell them some Girl Scout cookies. Really? It’s May. Are we still selling Girl Scout cookies? And what about us? Maybe we would like a cookie.

Another 10 minutes passed with nobody having their picture taken when all of a sudden it was our turn. I have no idea what everyone else was waiting for, but it wasn’t for a photo.

A mere 45 minutes after our arrival we were back in the car celebrating the fact that we didn’t even come close to breaking our record of time at the DMV.

Five years earlier, I actually spent 5.5 hours at the DMV with my middle daughter to get her permit. Even after all that time, they had spelled her name wrong and we had to spend another 30 minutes to have it corrected. This is what I posted to social media five years ago:

Lori Brown

July 30, 2012 · 

It took me less time to give birth to Sydney than it has taken to get her permit at the DMV!! Sadly, I am not kidding!

Thank you to the Department of Motor Vehicles for our third and final driving permit. I look forward to seeing you in 12 months for the third and final driver’s license of my parenting career.

Sunshine & Sarcasm,

Lowi & G