Next week we are going to talk about my favorite thing in the whole world and that is gathering with my family and friends under one roof to celebrate life, love, and the joy of being together.  

But first, I am going to talk about gatherings when we can’t all be together.  It’s what I like to call the un-gathering.  If you know me at all, you know that family is my everything and not being with our kids during the holidays is hard.  Our first Christmas without the whole group was in 2020 and like most of us that year, we had to pivot.  

While 2020 took more from us than we can quantify, it all also taught us some things that either we needed to be reminded of or we needed to learn.

First and foremost, we learned to appreciate our lives as we have grown accustomed and not take them for granted. How many of us wished for a work remote situation, only to realize that leaving the house is a privilege that we want to keep? Perhaps we haven’t always enjoyed family at the holidays, but after not seeing them for months on end, we have learned to appreciate any time we get.

Second, we figured out what was important and threw the rest out.  When you have nothing, but time on your hands, you figure out very quickly what matters and many people and things don’t make the cut.

However, the most important skill that I learned was how to think outside the box.  Specifically, I learned that sometimes we need to get creative to make things work.  As I shared a couple of weeks ago, when faced with the first holiday without my kids, I turned it on its head and didn’t do any of our normal traditions and sometimes that is exactly what is needed.   Many of us are so set in our ways that we can barely tolerate the idea of doing things differently, even if it’s a better way.  

Back to that creative piece.  We learned how to connect with our people in new ways and that we could still have meaningful relationships with our loved ones even when they live across the country.  

And, we don’t always have to  “change it up” when there is a glitch in our normal programming.  Lucky for me I was able to learn this little skill just in time for my oldest to call and tell me that she and her husband would not be able to come home for Christmas in 2020 because they both had to work in the hospital over the holiday.

Unlike Thanksgiving, Christmas is an entire season and I couldn’t call my friends to ask if we could spend Thanksgiving to New Year’s with them, could I?  Well, maybe I could, but I decided the grown-up thing to do was to change my perspective.

Rather than focusing on them not being home, I turned my focus to finding ways to feel their presence in our home and for them to feel our presence in their home.  Now this was a challenge I could get behind.

So, I set out doing what I always have done.  I decorated the house, put up the trees and I even put Christmas quilts on their beds.  There is nothing more sad than walking past a room filled with no spirit. 

And I sent many packages…

I wanted them to wake up and drink their coffee from a mug that we sent and smile.  I wanted them to see ornaments on their tree that we had chosen just for them and know that we were thinking about them.

I mailed cookie cutters, sprinkles, and holiday-themed spatulas to spark a little Christmas baking.  None of these things were big.  They were just small gestures to bring “Home for the Holidays” to their home.  A side benefit was that I was thoroughly enjoying this new perspective and the challenge.

I sent our annual matching Christmas jammies and stocking stuffers with strict instructions not to open until we were all “together” over Facetime.

The final piece of the puzzle was to find a way to feel connected on Christmas Day.  After much deliberation, we decided to do a gingerbread house competition.   You have heard us talk about this before, but it’s just a fun project to do at the same time to help us all feel a little closer. I gave Alex instructions on buying the ingredients so we would all have the same things to use.  As usual, there was a lot of smack talk before the festivities began, but at the designated time we all went to our separate physical and virtual rooms and began our creative endeavor.  

At the big reveal, we learned that Alex and Drew had not procured the ingredient list beforehand and because it was 2020, they could not find what they needed on Christmas Eve.  We like to refer to their first gingerbread house as the cobblestone shack as it was constructed of granola bars, crackers, carrots, and cereal.  It was not their finest moment, but they did receive an A for effort.  

The best part was that the next year they started saving gingerbread house photos on Pinterest and requesting ideas from their co-workers well in advance and they went all out on the ingredient list.  These two created a snowy wonderland that won the competition hands down.

It’s competitive and fun and we laugh a lot thinking about what our family is doing across the miles or, if we are lucky,  just in the next room.  It’s been a few years now and everyone brings their A-game on Christmas Day.  The competition is fierce.  I don’t want to mention any specific names, but a certain couple who hail from Nashville and subsequently won last year, may have stepped outside the rules a little.  I’m not bitter that our Scottish Castle lost to a house that technically should have been disqualified, but you’d better believe we will be pulling out all the stops this year.

Do you see what just happened?  Even you forgot that we weren’t all together making these gingerbread houses.  It’s amazing what can happen when you change your perspective.  Once we decided to focus on how to connect rather than focusing on being apart, we found a new way to gather.  Of course, we still miss our family when we can’t all be under the same roof, but we’ve learned to appreciate our time together in a deeper, more meaningful way.  If we only get 24 hours, we take it and make the most of it. 

What is your favorite way to connect with family when you can’t all be together?  Share your ideas so we can add them to the list of new traditions.  

And stay tuned next week for what we have planned this year when they all return for Christmas at home.  

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