Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and while it always makes me long for the days when my kids were small, I also appreciate and love the changes that have come in the last ten years.

We have watched all 3 of our girls move out, two have moved to other states, and one even moved out of the country for a brief stint. We have gained a couple of sons-in-law and enjoyed more time with friends. These are all amazing things, and it’s been an absolute privilege to watch our girls sprout their wings and fly away as new opportunities have arisen. Opportunities, though, almost always bring change.

Back in 2015, though, I wasn’t feeling very privileged. That was the first year two of my daughters couldn’t make it home for Thanksgiving. Our middle one was living in Nashville, working full-time, and she couldn’t get enough time off to fly home while our oldest one was still in Boulder. She had to pay her dues and work during the holiday. I am unsure what my initial response was then, but I likely cried. That’s how I handle most things in life that involve change. 

I do remember feeling like this was the beginning of the end.  

Dramatic, I know. 

However, it was just the first holiday where everything was different.  

So, what did I do? Well, the idea of spending Thanksgiving the way we always had without all of my girls felt wrong. If I couldn’t have it the way I always had, I didn’t want it at all. Again with the drama.

We had our youngest still at home, and, of course, we wanted to celebrate with her. I gathered up my chutzpah and called a friend. We had hosted her family for Thanksgiving on more than one occasion, and I decided to ask her point blank if we could come to their house. Very unlike me, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

It turned out that she was also experiencing a little change, and her oldest would be leaving for ski camp the night before Thanksgiving. With both of us feeling out of sorts, we began brainstorming a new way to do the holiday. 

Since our youngest daughters were on fall break, we decided that five days together would be way better than one, and just like that, we planned to do something radically different than we had ever done before. We were going to have a sleepover all week.

On the Monday before Thanksgiving, Reese and I loaded up the car and drove to Vail to be with our friends. Andy had to work but agreed to drive out on Tuesday evening. We shopped, dined out, watched movies in our PJs, and baked a lot. Our girls baked dozens of cookies while we lounged in Kristen’s bed and watched old 80s movies.  

On Wednesday, we hosted a little Thanksgiving gathering so both of our oldest kids could celebrate with us. It turned out that having Thanksgiving on a different day didn’t feel any different. The world didn’t stop spinning, a hole didn’t open up in the universe, and we not only survived but had a blast. While we had still planned on having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, we decided that nobody cared, and we just ate leftovers and watched movies all day. 

You know what? It was perfect. Of course, we missed the three kids who weren’t with us, but it turned out that changing it up was exactly what we needed. If we had tried to force the tradition because, well, it was tradition, it would not have been enjoyable. How often do we force ourselves to stay the course because it’s what we have always done? Change isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s what is needed.

Our Thanksgivings have been all over the map since that first detour in 2015. We have spent the holiday in Nashville, we have created our own turkey trot with homemade shirts, we have driven to Arkansas, and a couple of years ago, we spent the week with friends because all of our girls were gone. Each time it’s different, but different doesn’t equal dreadful. Think of it as an opportunity to just try something new. You can always go back to your old way of doing things, but you might just find out you like the new way.

The other benefit of trying something new is realizing that while traditions are beautiful and we absolutely want to hold onto them, it’s okay to deviate from the script a little. You begin to realize that every little change doesn’t have to be a dramatic affair. You can adjust without crying or causing a hissy fit, at the very least.  You can keep your composure until you can vent to your friend about unforeseen events like a new boyfriend.  

I know it feels unlikely, but you may even find yourself suggesting new ways to include others in your holiday or offering up tacos rather than turkey. It seems like a stretch, but you’d be surprised at what you can do when faced with the idea of change.